1. Elimination: ELITE vs Dark Order ****
2.FTR vs Inner Circle (Santana, Ortiz) ***
3.IWGP US Title: Archer(c) vs Hikuleo *3/4
4.Jurrasic Express, Christian vs HFO **1/2
5.Julia Hart vs Thunder Rosa **
6.No Rules: Jericho vs Gage ****
The Jericho match is announced as being the main event, which is interesting. They run down the card which is, frankly, stacked. Remember to update throughout the night.
An Adam Page/Dark Order package airs putting over Hangman. Cheesy shit but honestly pretty damn fun regardless. This leads to the entrance of the unit. I can't believe they're opening with this!
By the way, I'm pretty sure Bryan's debut is being move up. Might even be tonight. I can't get any confirmation.
The Elite's up next. The Bucks are in Space Jam gear. Kenny is, too. Amazing. Elite Squad, folks. They're dribble game is absolute shit. This is the cheesiest damn opening to Dynamite ever. It's gonna be polarizing for sure. It's not my cup of tea but I get the attempt.
Karl and Page start but it breaks down into chaos quickly. When Dark Order wins, which team gets the title shot? Is it a set up for in-fighting? As a huge lover of ciberneticos, I have high expectations here, by the way. Once it settles, Page and Karl return to the ring and Alex Reynolds is tagged in.
Reynolds and Karl work a bit before more chaos, this time in the form of trains from both teams. The Beaver Boys sequence on Karl rocked. Within moments, Alex was flashpinned and eliminated by Anderson. DO eliminated Karl in quick order to tie things back up, though. The Meat Man should be the last man standing for DO and get the V. I'd honestly love to see something like that.
I really hated hearing that news that Khan thinks he doesn't do enough dq or countout finishes. Please, don't start that shit.
PIP featured Stu getting worked over. Doc nails Mr. 777 to change momentum, though. Stu with some Matrix shit once full picture returned and got a nice near fall on the big dude.
Sliced Bread from Meat Man to Kenny and then more chaos. I'm digging this one for sure. The entrances were cheesy as fuck, but the match has been right up my damn alley.
Stu stumbled a tad, but got a nice balcony dive on the outside that had him and Doc get eliminated. That was a cool spot but I don't care much for the elimination.
Evil Uno next got a near fall on Kenny Fucking Omega. I'd really like to see the Super Smash Bros versus The Young Bucks again. Kenny's V Trigger was sick and he put away Uno with a One Winged Angel after.
We're down to The Bucks and Omega versus Silver and Page. No PIP this time, which fucking blows. What the fuck? TNT, you're throwing off my groove.
Silver is running wild as a mother fucker when we return. I missed the damn setup for that. We get a highlight of the Bucks powerbombing Page onto the apron.
Silver just can't get a pin and is now being beaten down by The ELITE.
They have the hoop! A Space Jam IndieTaker!! Too bad they fucked the dunk but it almost made it better.
Did Excalibur say, "fuckery"?
Silver is eliminated.
Page versus KO, MJ, and NJ. We're getting THAT story.
Superkick Party nearfall shit on Page next and team work beatdowns to match. Adam is getting torn apart but sparks back nicely and is clearing house! Nick looks hurt after a huge moonsault.
Kenny and Page are in the ring and it takes a save to keep Kenny going. We're about to get an IndieTaker but Page fights off the brothers and manages to get a Buck out.
Kenny has the belt but is stopped by Knox. Goes for another belt shot behind Rick's back but gets slammed instead. Nearfall and a finisher setup! Kenny gets a belt shot and a damn 2.99999 count, a sick series of V Triggers, an...ONE WINGED ANGLE. 1, 2, 3!
Kenny actually wins! That was.....unexpected. I thought Kenny should win their first title match and fall in the rematch, but this is...interesting.
Fantastic match! I need to reflect hard on that but I have an idea for where they're going and love it if I'm right.
PAC is backstage, complains that his partners were fucked over. Chavo and Andrade come in to add to the segment. It was okay.
I'm super sure someone debuts now. Hopefully Punk with a pipebomb though I am pretty sure Bryan debuts tonight which is amazing if right. I don't know shit. I was telling people Bryan signed far before anyone else was, though.
Starks is out for his celebration. Mocks Cage. Has a band. Taz laughed. It's okay for what it is. Cage apparently didn't check on Starks and it's what triggered the betrayal. Starks is a decent talker. Here comes Brian, as expected.
Cage is destroying the band. Cheesy but fun. Starks escapes after using roses to temporarily blind the beast. The rivalry continues.
TANAHASHI! Makes it known that he's going to challenge the winner of the US Championship match. Awesome. Eric Mutter and I were chatting earlier like the dipshits we are and he fucking called that. Props, fucker. Also, that man is two children in a trench coat. Just a heads up for the next time you decide to read his delightful writings.
We get FTR and the team formerly known as PnP next. Ortiz and Santana really should be champs by the end of the year. These two teams are so fucking good. I wish Santana and Ortiz had been able to keep the LAX name, though. The new one at least has Limelight so there's potential there.
Notice the new adult content warning, by the way? It's because of the erotic novel I'm working on. Preorder that HERE.
Didn't they say PIP was gonna be running? Oh well. TNT, fuck you!
We return and results from the secondary shows scroll along the action, which is something I like.
The Wounded Warrior partnership is nice. These two teams are starching each other. I hate that the flow was hurt by that break. Also, I love Konnan being here. The dude should be on AEW all of the time. It also shows that Khan isn't a thin skinned baby like Gabe and Court. I've said some shit about the dude and he hasn't blocked my like those other two dipshits, for example.
I love the intensity level. The build up for this has been fun, too. The nearfalls have been masterful. Finally, an out of nowhere finish puts away Ortiz. Outside of the ring, it looks like Cash was hurt somehow. Good match overall. The finish looked off. Seemed to be related to the slashed wrists of Cash. Yeah, even with that air being sucked out a tad, this really was good.
Baker is backstage with Tony. Another fucking awesome promo from the AEW Women's Champion. She's one of the best talkers in wrestling right now. Might be the best behind Eddie.
Tony is on the stage. Announcement time! The second episode of Rampage comes from the United Center in Chicago, proving that the rumors are true. The First Dance. Punk chants.
Darby's promo!!! JR calls it, "telling". There we go, Punk vs Darby. Great shit.
Now, It's time for the US defense. Archer's victory over Mox ruled. This won't be nearly as good. That's okay. HAKU is here. That's awesome. JR tried to call Tanahashi a favorite but seemingly had to look at a paper to see who it was that challenged the winner. Hey look, PIP this time during the weakest match of the night. Meng demanded it, I suppose. You don't say no to that fucking man.
I agree with JR that this is bowling shoe ugly, though I have shit fashion sense and like bowling shoes, but I don't agree with the tone in which he stated it, suggesting it's enjoyable. It's clunky and I have no idea why we're getting it, to be honest. Why did New Japan and AEW decide this was the best representation of the brand they could do this week? Hikuleo has admittedly never impressed me and is one of the lesser names on the entire NJPW roster.
It's finally over, at least. Meh. No one came off looking good here.
Rhodes is backstage. Him and Black next week. Speaking of, Black comes and attacks Cody. They're brawling out into the arena. Cody is taken down on the stage and we're told we're in the House of Black. Feugo del Sol gets punished, too, to end the segment.
It feels like more commercials than usual.
So, Punk and Darby. Kenny and Dragon.
Speaking of, Rush and Dragon Lee are heading to AEW. Open door or deflection? A Flair for the dramatic?
Miro cut a fun promo for his upcoming defense. The way his opponent was picked is funny af.
Remind me where Jack is and who he pissed off this time? Dude has a louder mouth than me, somehow. Nevermind, apparently he's having some trouble. My bad. I wish the dude well. Longtime fan.
Christian, Jungle, and Luchasaurus versus Angelico and Private Party is an interesting television match. It feels like filler material in the most easily defined sense. I know eventually we're getting JB versus Christian. Maybe a turn? Christian and Luchasarus go bad?
Anyway, it was an average match. The faces won.
Blade with the brass knuckles took out Christian at the payment of Matt Hardy. Christian and Blade could be a fun match. CC can still go far better than anyone at this stage in their career can. AEW's treatment of dudes at that stage makes WWE look like a steaming pile of horseshit, doesn't it?
Exy reminded me that we're getting the Painmaker tonight. I had honestly forgotten for a moment. The Gage promo was pretty damn good. I don't care what folks say, Gage is amazing.
Julia Hart is for some reason getting TV time. At lest it's to benefit TR. Rosa likely gets a squash. She is officially an AEW performer, having been bought out by TK.
Honestly, Julia has some potential. I'm fine not seeing her again on Dynamite for several months, though. Average match. Thunder is going to be a huge star for AEW.
We're getting bookend quality this week for sure. It's fine, I've said before that AEW is the best variety show on tv and I stand by that. I don't like everything but I love enough.
Bunny versus Leyla next week will be fun.
But, lets shut up on that. It's fucking MDK time. I also JUST found out why everyone is talking about ZZ today and it fucking sucks. I just figured I had missed a meme or some shit. I'm fucking old and balding, people.
Moxley backstage for a promo. He's watching the Olympics, asking why he can't get to Japan. He's mad that Tana has issued a challenge AFTER he drops the belt. Says he's dead to him. Awesome promo.
Jericho singalong time. Are you fucking signing? Don't lie. I love that intro.
It won't be turned to 10 but this should rock either way. That intro was awesome as fuck, too. MJF's out for commentary.
Jericho's sliced to start. Awesome sight. I can't believe I am watching this dude main event a major tv show right now. No, JR. THIS is bowling shoes ugly in the way you meant it.
How does CJ feel about working with Gage, by the way? LIGHTTUBES!
Chris smacks NG with a bat a few times, stopping the tubes spot for now. Chokebreaker! The pizza cutter is back out. God this rocks. They luckily got the PIP right this time. This crowd is getting something I don't think they were ready for. They only have themselves to blame. We're going all four points. Why not. We also got another tube tease. Chair shots a plenty instead and...GLASS! Seriously, how is this being televised. Thank god for AEW.
We go corner punches and then Jericho fucking puts Gage through the glass. Nearfall.
Gage retains control. The TUBES are in action. Piledriver. Beautiful. Yeah, few wear prepared for this. Fox is going to be crying like wads tomorrow. JR is disgusted and I love it. I hope he quits because of this.
MIST. JUDAS EFFECT. It's over. That was even better than I expected. Fantastic shit. You're either going to love this or hate it. Seriously.
MJF is pissed. The stipulation requires a move off the top to win. JUVI!!! Dear god, YES! Lance Storm might be the final challenge.
We'll that's fun.
So, this week's episode didn't have a huge debut. It did have a fantastic opening match with a shocking result, a great tag match despite the finish, some awesome promo work, and a sick main event that rocked hard. It also had some average content in the middle. In all, it was a great watch even with the issues and well worth the time.
Overall Rating: 75/100%